Category: News

We are proud to announce the freshly available Dealing with Defensiveness online course.

We all deal with defensiveness, and it is often the catalyst for conversations going badly.

But that’s because they are being aggressive, and difficult, and wrong, you might be thinking. Whoa whoa whoa: we hear you, and maybe – but maybe not, too. While our flames of defensiveness can get fuelled by others at times, it is also an opportunity to discover something about ourselves – not just the other person.

Introducing our teacher

We are fortunate to have Janet Schmidt as our guide in this collective quest to better work with defensiveness. Janet is a mediator who got her start in 1986 and has since facilitated difficult conversations in roles ranging from victim-offender situations to the everyday workplace. Beyond her extensive work in the field, she teaches conflict resolution here at Mediation Services and at both the University of Manitoba and the University of Winnipeg. This online course is an exceptional opportunity to learn from Janet’s wealth of expertise as an experienced mediator.

Moreover, conflict will always be with us. One of the things that makes it so difficult to work with difference is the energy of defensiveness. We get our back up, we shut down, and we stop listening. We see others as the enemy. We feel personally attacked. We dig our heels in and get ready to fight. We are quick to lash out. It is often this fiery response that causes our own suffering as well as inflicts suffering on others.

What is defensiveness?

We all want people to see us in a particular way. While there may be a malevolent few who aspire to be evil villains, the vast majority of us want to be seen in a positive light. We want others to regard us as good and to think well of us – no matter what mistakes we might make along this messy process called living.

When something happens that causes us to perceive that this positive regard is being questioned or threatened, we become defensive.

But is this perception always right? What about all those times that we say something and it gets taken a completely different way than we intended?

What and how we communicate has a very real effect on…well, the effect of what is heard. When people criticize our work, for example, many of us naturally get defensive. We hear an attack on ourselves as a person, not a critique of the work itself. Then again, there are certain ways that feedback can be given that will make us much more defensive.

In this course, we look at both sides of defensiveness: when it bubbles forth from within us and how we can avoid sending messages that trigger it in other people.

We are excited to have Dealing with Defensiveness as part of the core of our online courses, now available on-demand. This means that you can enrol anytime (such as right now!). Upon enrolment, you get instant access to the online lectures, resources, and exercises. This timely and timeless content is literally at your fingertips for you to explore at your own pace.

The course will explore the following questions:

• Why do we get defensive?
• How does defensiveness work in our brains and bodies?
• What are the internal triggers that provoke defensiveness in us?
• Once we get defensive, how do we typically respond?
• What are the external factors that increase our defensiveness?
• What is the antidote to defensiveness?
• How can we better respond to our own defensiveness?
• How can we better respond to other people when we see that they’re getting defensive?

When we feel defensive there is an opportunity for us to learn something about ourselves and our relationships.

Let’s dive into this work together. Join us and register for Dealing with Defensiveness today!

It is the year 2022 and the ways in which we communicate are evolving at a rapid pace. Once upon a time there was the fax machine…wait, we still have one of those bleeping and blooping in the corner of our office. And then there was the telephone…oh, there’s clearly a landline ringing next to the fax machine over there. And…email? Yep, that too – our digital inboxes have been open since 2001.

You can contact us in any and all of these ways, but an important question remains: how can those of us at Mediation Services keep in touch with you? The writings on this blog and via our newsletter are our ongoing attempt to answer this, because we are evolving too.

Relationships are better when the communications flow in both directions, and this is no exception.

---

Since our establishment in 1979, we have expanded our goals to meet the shifting needs of our community. Our focus remains on facilitating a safe space for bridging gaps across opposing views, however no longer are we doing so exclusively in-person. In addition, we are proud to now offer the tools we’ve developed over the years as online courses for you to engage with at your own pace.

So what exactly are our training goals these days? They’re loose yet ambitious, and we are proud to see people achieving them every day. We aim to help others:

• Resolve conflicts
• Manage anger
• Build a respectful workplace
• Deal with difficult relationships

These skills have always been important within our homes, workplaces, and communities, but they have become even more vital as we all navigate the heightened challenges of the COVID-19 pandemic together.

In case you haven’t explored them yet, we highly recommend you check out our popular Covid Conversations and Introduction to Conflict Resolution online courses.

---

Here at Mediation Services, we can’t talk about us without including you. Every day, our path intersects with yours; we meet, discuss where we’re at and potential routes forward, and then carefully choose the next steps onwards.

Beyond each session our individual lives separate and go on. Monday’s first light brings us into another week and we rise with the sun to face the day, ready to do our best.

Amidst the busyness of life in a modern world, it is important to remember the simple communication and listening skills that help us manage stress, prevent conflict, and create respect. There is always another challenge on the horizon and, in the depths of difficulty, it is important to reach for the tools and support near us. In this spirit, we write here. In this spirit, we slide into your inbox. And in this spirit, we keep our fax machine and phones plugged in – so that we can be here when you need us however you may choose to reach out.

We have relationship goals. Over the last few months our newsletter subscriber list has grown significantly, a very real reflection on the number of people we’ve connected with. A lot of new faces have found us through our new online courses – our recent expansion in digital accessibility that has allowed us to meet so many more of you. Trust is built slowly over time, and we are grateful for everyone who has given us a chance to earn theirs over the years.

With this in mind, we write our newsletter and blog as an additional resource for our community. Discover conflict resolution tips and tricks to pepper into daily life, be the first to receive invitations to be a part of the emerging resources we’re developing, and get a behind-the-scenes spotlight on the question of why we are passionate about the work we do.

Anyone with a seed of curiosity – whether you’ve attended a workshop or are just peeking in from afar – can read these completely free offerings and be both informed and bolstered. Our hope is that they offer value and that, when you need it, you remember that you have us as a communication resource to tap into.

So if you are already a subscriber: thanks for sticking around and keep an eye on your inbox for more good things to come! And if you’re new around here, we invite you to consider exploring mediation in your life alongside us.

Subscribe to the newsletter here
Follow along on the blog here

Mediation Services’ goal is to be at the forefront of the restorative justice and conflict resolution movement. As always, you can get in contact with us at any of the numbers / addresses listed at the bottom of this page. We continue to show up each and every day, ready to serve you.