Social Media: The highlight reel.

Ah, social media — the place where we connect with others like we used to around the water cooler.

Picture this:

You’re on break at work and swipe open your social-media-app-of-choice for a quick touch-in to feel a little less burnt out. Perfect vacations, promotions, and happy families scroll by and…wait, is that inadequacy you’re feeling? Time’s up and it’s back to work, feeling less refreshed than you’d hoped from the digital hearts and lols.

Does some flavour of this sound familiar? We can’t help but compare ourselves to others.

Social comparison is deeply rooted in our biology and evolution as humans. Our ancestors survived by living in groups, and comparison was a fundamental mechanism for orientation within those groups. It still is, but when doing so online it doesn’t include the full picture.

Think about it: do you share every aspect of your life openly online? Most of us curate the experiences we put out, presenting a polished version of our lives.

The highlight reels of our online profiles belie our more complex existences. And when we mistake someone’s highlight reel for their complete reality, we create a foundation for misunderstandings and conflict.

The psychology behind social media curation

It is a natural human tendency to present our best selves publicly – online, as we’ve mentioned, but notably offline too (when we introduce ourselves to someone at a party, we keep the elevator pitch surface-level). We all know we’re not perfect, but we all want others to see us as doing well. Emphasis in this context should be on all, meaning that when we meet someone new at a party they’re putting their best foot forward too.

Catching ourselves in unfair comparison at a party is one thing, but it’s even more difficult online. Digital communication tends to be devoid of the nuanced subtext of being a human; body language that we unconsciously register is nowhere to be found. Further, there’s the algorithm to contend with: an invisible hand that serves up dopamine hit after dopamine hit of engaging content.

How misinterpretation leads to conflict

Just like a car mirror is plastered with the caution, “Objects in rearview mirror may appear closer than they are,” perhaps a social media app should pop up an occasional warning, “Social media consumption may skew one’s perception of others.” But we all know this would be futile and that, after closing that window a couple of times, we would stop registering the admonishing words.

Conflict will inevitably bubble up, but when it does try to remember: social media’s highlight reels skew our perceptions of others. Your viewpoint might not be accurate.

Since warnings don’t always work, here are some common scenarios to watch for where social media misinterpretations can lead to conflict:

• Family conflicts arise from perceived lifestyle differences.
• Workplace tensions form when colleagues appear more successful online.
• Friendships are tested when social media posts are misinterpreted.
• Relationships are questioned when partners compare with idealized versions of others online.

We’ve all heard the truthful saying, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” True – and it’s also kindling for division.

When we swipe open our social-media-app-of-choice for a quick touch-in there absolutely are positives beyond the perils we’re alluding to. Still, misinterpretations such as these can (and do) result in real-world misunderstandings and conflicts that need to be managed.

Practical tips for social media usage

And so, without further ado, here are four practical tips for social media users:

1. Remember that social networking shows life’s highlights, not the complete story.
2. Initiate direct conversations when feeling triggered by someone’s post.
3. Practice mindfulness about your own posting habits, reflecting on your motivations and the potential impact of your content rather than posting impulsively or seeking validation.
4. Take periodic breaks from social platforms – “touch grass” as the elders say (has any elder actually said this!?).

Every single person is multi-dimensional and has a lot going on in life – upbringing and heritage, opportunity and hardship, health and unhealth. What we present to others is never the full picture – heck, even the story of “me” we present to ourselves leaves out all of the aspects we’re unaware of.

There is always more to someone than what’s at the surface.