Origins of Anger: From the wilds to the water cooler.
August 31, 2025
Anger is a fiery emotion; taking us from minding-our-own-business to ready-to-fight in a literal heartbeat. It can be fuel for both transformation and destruction, and so it’s worth considering carefully so that we don’t get burned.
Anger’s origins are from an ancient place: the amygdala, which is the fear and anger center of the brain. Here, we have an effective alarm system that reacts to perceived threats: the heart rate rises, blood flow increases to the muscles, and attention narrows…all healthy responses to an immediate sense of danger.
In human evolution, anger increased our odds to survive in the wilds. But survival in the modern world looks different than it once did, and here there is a maladaptive side to its force.
Quick reactions, like those fuelled by anger, often lead to outcomes full of regret. Getting stuck in the emotion leads to hypervigilance – which affects our relationships, our trust mechanisms, and our ability to conjure up a sense of context. Anger leads to personal attacks instead of problem-solving.
In other words, it’s true that anger can get us in a lot of trouble if its fire is not managed. But that doesn’t mean we should ignore it or push it away too quickly.
Anger is a functional signal that a boundary has been crossed. The seed of anger is good, healthy, and important – but if it’s held onto and/or funneled into reactive behavior, then it’s problematic for both ourselves and those we’re in relationship with.
These days we’re trying to get along around the water cooler, not competing for resources around the savannah’s competitive watering hole. But sometimes our biology doesn’t know the difference.
We’ve all been there:
We’re in the middle of a disagreement, and suddenly our heart races, our voice rises, and anger takes the driver’s seat. In that moment, calm logic often takes the back seat – and what could have been a productive conversation turns into a heated battle.
In conflict, anger narrows focus and fuels the defensive urge of “I need to prove I’m right!”. This leads to fight-or-flight reactions, making communication less than effective.
For example, if you feel angry when a coworker interrupts you, it’s a signal that a line has been crossed and you feel disrespected.
How does this feel in the body? A tight jaw, clenched fists, racing heartbeat, shallow or fast breathing…
How does this take shape in our thinking? An urge to interrupt, all-or-nothing thinking (“They always…”), a focus on winning…
Even in just the imagination, our heartbeat rises. That’s the amygdala at work.
Here are some common triggers:
- Feeling unheard or dismissed
- Broken promises or unmet expectations
- Disrespectful tone or body language
- Perceived injustice or unfair treatment
Notice anything surprising about this list? Each trigger is perfectly reasonable for us to be angry about! The paradox of anger is that it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Anger is like an alert system; telling you when something feels unfair, when boundaries have been crossed, or when values are threatened.
It’s what we do after a line is crossed that can either point us towards transformation or destruction.
A good starting point for working with anger is to notice the internal clues that it’s bubbling up (like the body and thinking suggestions in the previous example). Then, rather than plow forward with a reactive response, we can heed the warning and try to introduce a bit of space with a cooling off strategy:
- Pause and excuse yourself (the time-out strategy).
- Consciously slow your breathing (inhale 4 seconds, exhale 6 seconds).
- Name the feeling to yourself (“I feel frustrated”, etc).
- Embrace curiosity and reframe “They’re wrong” to “How can we fix this?”
Then, we do the other thing that is one of humanity’s evolutionary strengths: we communicate. In situations with a lot of emotionality fuelling anger, try to address actions directly rather than associate them with the other person’s character (this can prevent a reciprocal wildfire of defensiveness).
Think of anger like fuel – a little heat can spark honest conversation, but too much can blow the situation up. It can help us stand up for ourselves, or it can have us saying things we soon regret.
When channelled well, anger energizes us to take action. Many personal changes and social movements start with someone getting mad enough to do something about a problem.
That said, there is a point where it is time to walk away (…another one of our evolutionary marvels??). When voices are raised and no one is listening, or you feel like saying something you regret, emotions are too high for problem solving.
Walking away is not quitting – it’s resetting for better results.
That’s just the tip of the iceberg on this subject. We have a training course “Dealing with Anger” coming up in Winnipeg, and we’d love for you to join us as we unpack it further. Current program options will be on November 4 & 5 (2025) or May 5 & 6 (2026) – please visit our full training page for more details and registration. And, if you’ve missed out or can’t make it, keep an eye on future programming where it’s sure to be offered again.
It’s also worth highlighting our companion course that is presented as an online on-demand webinar: Dealing with Defensiveness. It is available right now and any time that you may need it.