Conflict Strategies: The time-out approach.

February 14, 2024

Three street signs: Stop, Slow, and Go

Sometimes the best strategy to deal with conflict is to say, “I’ll deal with it later.”

Does this sound…surprising to you? Often we think to ourselves: the best way to deal with conflict is head-on. The unspoken second part of this belief is that avoiding a tough situation only makes things worse. It’s important to note however, that this is only true if we never actually come back to face it.

Taking a time-out can be a valuable strategy to promote effective conflict resolution. Vocalizing unfiltered hot takes can get us into trouble – something we only realize once we have some time to cool down. In the face of conflict a defensive impulse kicks in at the biological level, takes over, and creates a mess that then needs to be cleaned up.

Alas, it’s not as easy as having your mediation coach blow the whistle and pull you off the field. Inevitably, we sometimes wish there was an undo button for something we shouldn’t have said – though, even if we delete that fiery social media exclamation we shouldn’t have posted, everyone who saw it is still impacted. Actions cascade outward like ripples from a stone tossed into still water. And like the proverbial rock, once it is loosed an action is out of our hands and the resultant ripples out of our control.

The only path we have is forward. If we make a mess handling conflict unwisely (and we all will), then it becomes our responsibility to clean it up. Conflict will happen again – a frustrating fact that on the positive side means we have opportunities to practice our engagement with conflict. With a bit of consistent effort and resultant restraint, we can learn to mitigate escalation.

A robot talking into a phone saying: Can we reschedule our meeting? I'm about to blow a gasket.

There is no absolute rule as to when is the best time to deal with conflict.

In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to forget this and instead feel the pressure to respond immediately. We get caught up in the back-and-forth rhythm of the interaction – trading defensive blows rather than listening. After all, we are obviously the one in the “right” and just need a moment to retort our truth. The problem is, the other person also thinks they’re in the “right” and…well, this doesn’t usually add up to a peaceful understanding.

When we’re waiting to clap back at someone else’s “wrong” position, we’re in a headspace where we’ve stopped listening to what they’re saying. Instead, our internal monologue is busy rehearsing a witty response while we keenly watch for a chance to speak it loud and true. Amidst differing perspectives, this creates a divisive and competitive atmosphere that is not conducive to conflict resolution.

The next time you find yourself in a conflict, consider using a time-out approach. Politely express your need for reflection and understanding by saying something like:

There’s some new information here that I’d like to consider. Is there any chance you can give me some time to reflect on it, and I can come back to discuss this later this afternoon?

Taking a momentary step back allows you to escape the immediate emotional charge of conflict. It creates a space where you can calmly analyze the situation from a zoomed-out perspective, gaining insight into both sides of the conflict. This reflective time can help you better understand your contributions to the conflict and discover healthier ways to respond with respectful curiosity.

By engaging in self-reflection and considering the conflict from a calmer standpoint, you equip yourself with the tools needed to respond thoughtfully and constructively. This approach fosters empathy, promotes understanding, and enhances the chances of finding mutually beneficial resolutions.


At Mediation Services, the tools and strategies we explore in-person and online help us be ready to respond with to conflict with agility. But the consistent heart of our process-oriented approach is to remember to always approach conflict with empathy, respect, and a genuine desire for resolution. These pillars permeate the process and help us shift from judgment to curiosity.

Curious to learn more? Check out our FREE online webinar Conflict 101: Demystifying Conflict Through a Psychological Approach.

Together we can foster resolution to build stronger and more meaningful relationships. Now is a great time to start.

If you have questions,
please don’t hesitate to call.

1-204-925-3410

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