Gratitude: A solid foundation for relationships.
July 15, 2024
You’ve probably heard the rumour about how gratitude is good for us. It goes something like, “When you’re having a hard time, remember to be grateful for what you have.”
Indeed, scientific studies (like this one) are lending credence to this sentiment. Gratitude helps to reduce blood pressure and get our nervous systems back into the “rest and digest” state so necessary for recovery and healing. Gratitude helps us to discharge stress and find relaxation again. Gratitude can even encourage us to fuel our bodies with nourishing foods, as appreciation for what our bodies do empowers us to take better care of them.
Beyond these benefits for the individual, gratitude helps us strengthen connections with loved ones and the wider community. Social connection is vital for our sense of well-being, so when we recognize relationships going well it’s worth expressing it. Letting others know we are grateful for them and what they do deepens the bonds between us. It goes the other way too: consider how it feels when you are on the receiving end of gratitude for a moment.
Of course, relationships do not go well all of the time. When facing rough patches with others, it is particularly important to not forget there are other parts of the relationship we are grateful for. In so doing, we can remember what we’re working towards and commit to the oft-uncomfortable task of conflict resolution.
This process doesn’t need to be forced. It’s not about pretending everything is fine, but rather taking perspective and cultivating the capacity to hold the dual truths that things can be good and also use some work. And then, doing the work.
We can make gratitude more tangible if we break it down into steps:
- Try to find an affirmation of goodness. Is there something, someone, or some circumstance that you are grateful for? Can you receive that?
- Recognize that the source of this goodness rests outside of yourself. You receive these gifts from others, by either luck or intentional action. Appreciate that you are in a web of interdependence and not alone.
- Aim to act wisely, recognizing that your choices play a part in the wide, interconnected, and complex ecosystem that is life.
When we cultivate gratitude for our bodies, relationships, and the shared home that is our planet, we are empowered to better take care of them.
Pro tip: it is best to practice cultivating gratitude in times of relative smoothness. When there is conflict, hurt feelings, or a a difference of opinion involved, feeling gratitude becomes more difficult as well. By establishing a positive habit we stand a better chance at avoiding unnecessary escalation of a situation with a poor reaction to conflict.
Gratitude is rarely our default modus operandi – at least, not without a bit of practice. We are prone to a pesky survival instinct called the negativity bias. When we’re hyper-focused on a problem to the exclusion of all else, we might not be so receptive to someone chiming in with the advice, “When you’re having a hard time, remember to be grateful for what you have.”
And yet gratitude is an antidote to this negativity bias, helping us widen our perspective to include the problem we face in the context of everything else around it. It allows creative solutions to stem from other aspects at play, rather than a narrow view from which their appear relatively few options.
Bringing gratitude into conflict can provide helpful perspective and resilience during challenging times.
Remember: gratitude is not only seeing the bright side, glossing over pain or struggle, or just about good vibes. It’s about expanding perspective to include more so that we can feel more empowered to engage in our lives.
Not sure where to start? May we suggest that you check out our FREE Conflict 101 webinar which will help demystify conflict through a psychological approach. This course gives understanding that provides a good entry point into exploring gratitude in the inevitable conflict we all bump into time and again – whether at home, the workplace, or in the wider community.
Also, try doing the gratitude exercise we outlined earlier in this article for several subsequent days with different people in your life. And let’s add on one last step to it too: express your gratitude for someone today and see what happens.