Looking Back: A case of rose-tinted glasses.

October 31, 2024

A hand holds up a pair of tinted glasses

When one peers through lenses stained with rose,
The world’s sharp edges soften, and all woes
Dissolve like mist at morning – every scene
Becomes more beautiful than it has been.

   – A poem by A.I.

There’s something poetic about the phrase “looking through rose-tinted glasses”, and even artificial intelligence (emphasis on artificial) seems to know it. At the moment, AIs like ChatGPT are glorified autocomplete; algorithms pre-trained to generate responses based on pattern matching to the mass of content we humans have put out there. Terrible poetry aside, they can offer a playful litmus test to the broader zeitgeist.

As with most generalizations, the concept of the rose-tinted glasses effect has a root in something real: there is a positivity bias in the content of autobiographical memory (science!) where we tend to see the past as more positive than it actually was.

Take a moment to let that sink in. This rosy look backward flies in stark contrast to how we look forward where, when anticipating what will happen next, we tend to have a negativity bias that focuses on what might go wrong. Both are biological strategies that humans developed over millennia to keep ourselves safe.


Let’s explore this with an example: travel. We dream of it and work to embrace its possibility, but life away from home doesn’t always match the glossy marketing brochures. There’s the uncomfortable gauntlet of being crammed into a plane, lost luggage, food poisoning, long wait lines…and, oh yeah, the tourist attraction of, say, the Eiffel Tower. It’s a lot – and many times we return home more exhausted than when we left, muttering, “Never again,” to ourselves and our bank accounts.

Yet, when we look back on the trip, what stands out? The Eiffel Tower!

Travel is not entirely fun, but as the memories of it get revisited affectionately, the lived hardships accompanying it fade in intensity. Given some time, we find ourselves motivated to get back on a plane and do it again – ready to face the challenges that may happen along the way.

Rose-tinted glasses serve a purpose. Good memories give us hope, which drives us forward into the next thing. This is an important part of being human. But, understanding that our recollections skew positive when we’re the main character, it’s important to note that our memory might not paint the full picture of the experience (nor that of the other characters we interact with!).

Many printed photos scattered on a table with memories like ‘High School Prom’ written on them

The rose-tinted glasses effect means that when we reflect on the past, we can unwittingly misremember important details about what actually happened. This becomes problematic when dealing with interpersonal conflict (which inevitably happens to all of us).

Here are some common possibilities where a rosy memory can hinder conflict resolution:

  1. Downplaying real issues: When problems are minimized, they often go unaddressed until they become much worse. Little slights can add up to bigger challenges down the road.
  2. Misreading others’ feelings: Assuming everyone is "fine" can prevent acknowledging genuine hurt or grievances.
  3. Avoiding necessary confrontation: An overly optimistic outlook may lead to postponing difficult but important conversations.
  4. Missing warning signs: Red flags in relationships or situations may be dismissed as temporary or unimportant.
  5. Creating unrealistic expectations: When reality doesn’t match an idealized view, it becomes harder to move forward with finding practical solutions.

Learning to gain a more accurate perspective supports the health of our relationships and makes it easier to reach resolution. When metaphorically wearing rose-tinted glasses, it’s beneficial to be able to take them off from time to time. To help with that, start with our FREE Conflict 101 webinar – an excellent resource for unpacking the psychology behind our mental frameworks. For hands-on support, enlist the help of a third-party mediator who can create a mutually safe space to facilitate tough discussions.


Good times past can still be just that – positive remembrance gives us hope so we have fuel for moving forward. At the same, let’s make room for a wider perspective that honours both our experience and that of others.

If you have questions,
please don’t hesitate to call.

1-204-925-3410

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

For The Latest News & Updates