Holding Boundaries: How to handle pushback

Have you read our last blog article on how to set healthy boundaries? Start there if you haven’t, because this is a continution of that.

If you’re still here, we’re going to assume you went through the “boundary conversation.” Congratulations on setting a boundary in your life! But there is one important thing beyond drawing a clear line, and that is handling inevitable pushback and what to do when someone ignores the boundary altogether.

Here’s the hard truth: people will test your boundaries. Not necessarily because they’re bad people, but because you’ve changed the rules of engagement. If you’ve historically been available 24/7, suddenly establishing “no work calls after 6 PM” will feel jarring to others. They’re used to the old pattern and change is uncomfortable.

Let’s address the elephant in the room: holding boundaries often feels mean. We might think, “But they really need my help” or “What if this damages our relationship?”

Consider this reframe: Unclear boundaries and hidden resentment damage relationships far more than clear, kind boundaries ever will. When you say yes while feeling no, that resentment seeps out in passive-aggressive comments, withdrawal, or eventual explosions.

Holding a boundary isn’t about being rigid or uncaring. It’s about sustainable relationships where both people’s needs matter.

Handling Pushback

Pushback typically shows up in three forms:

• Guilt trips: “I can’t believe you won’t help me. I thought we were on the same team.” This plays on your emotions, making you feel selfish for having needs.
• Anger or frustration: “This is ridiculous. You’re being unreasonable.” This attempts to intimidate you into backing down.
• Persistence: Ignoring your stated boundary and continuing the behaviour as if you never said anything. This tests whether you actually meant what you said.

Recognizing these patterns helps you respond calmly rather than reactively, defusing the emotions at play. The act of holding your boundary makes it real.

The question isn’t whether your boundaries will be challenged. It’s how you’ll respond when they are.

Holding Firm Without Escalating

When someone pushes back, use the DEAR framework:

• Describe the situation factually: “You’ve called three times tonight after I said I wasn’t available after 6 PM.”
• Express how you feel: “I’m frustrated because I need this evening time with my family.”
• Assert your boundary again: “I’m not available for work calls after 6 PM.”
• Reinforce the positive: “I’m happy to discuss this first thing tomorrow morning at 9 AM.”

The key is staying calm and consistent. Don’t JADE: Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain endlessly. State your boundary once, maybe twice if truly needed, then stop engaging with the pushback itself.

When Boundaries Get Crossed

Despite your best efforts, someone will eventually cross your boundary. This is the moment that defines whether your boundary is real or merely a suggestion.

Address it immediately and directly. The longer you wait, the harder it becomes and the more resentment builds. Use simple language: “I noticed you called my home phone at 8 PM last night. As I mentioned last week, I am not available for work calls after 6 PM.”

Follow through with consequences. This doesn’t mean punishment – it means natural consequences that protect your boundary. If a colleague emails you after hours expecting immediate responses, you wait until the next business day to reply.

Consistency is everything. If we hold your boundary on Tuesday but cave on Thursday, we’ve taught people that persistence pays off. They’ll keep pushing because sometimes it works.

But, we all slip up (everyone does!). When we cave on a boundary we meant to hold, that’s okay. What matters is what happens next. Acknowledge it: “I realized I didn’t hold my boundary yesterday when I answered your work call at 8 PM. Going forward, I’m sticking to what I said about after-hours availability.” Then simply return to holding your boundary. One slip doesn’t erase all your progress.

Holding boundaries is a practice, not perfection. Some days will be easier than others. Some people will respect your boundaries immediately; others may take time to adjust.

The uncomfortable truth is that holding boundaries might mean some relationships change or end. But if a relationship only works when you have no limits, it wasn’t a healthy relationship to begin with.

But here’s the beautiful part: as you hold your boundaries consistently, you’ll notice something shift. The people who truly care about you will adjust. They’ll learn your limits and respect them. And you’ll have more energy for these meaningful relationships because you’re not depleting yourself maintaining unhealthy ones.

Your boundaries deserve to be held. You deserve to be respected.

Need support navigating boundary challenges in your relationships? Mediation Services specializes in helping people communicate effectively even in difficult situations. Contact us to learn about our conflict resolution workshops and services.