Showing Up: Consistency builds community.

Consistency isn’t just important when holding boundaries, it’s a key to building communities with one individual action at a time. A moment is just a piece within the wider mesh of interconnectivity; a single thread, one thing – many threads woven together over a lifetime, another.

Esther Perel writes:

Relationships thrive through repeated presence, not sporadic gestures. Rituals, routines, and shared rhythms build a shared reality

She penned this with romantic partnerships in mind, but this wisdom extends to every relationship we nurture – with neighbours, colleagues, family members, and the broader community we call home. When we show up consistently, we’re doing more than fulfilling an obligation. We’re signaling to others that they matter, that they can count on us, and that we’re invested in something larger than ourselves.

The Power of Small, Repeated Actions

Think about the neighbour who waves hello every morning, the friend who checks in regularly, or the volunteer who arrives at the community centre every Tuesday without fail. These aren’t grand gestures that make headlines. They’re quiet acts of reliability that, over time, become the foundation of trust.

And what happens in the absence of this “showing up”? In conflict resolution work, we clearly see how a shortage of this consistency can erode relationships. When people feel they can’t rely on one another, misunderstandings fester and small disagreements escalate.

Consistency creates predictability, and predictability creates safety. When we know what to expect from each other, we can relax into authentic connection. We don’t have to second-guess intentions or wonder if someone will be there when we need them. This emotional safety is the bedrock upon which healthy communities are built.

Showing Up, Even When It’s Hard

Of course, consistency doesn’t mean perfection. Life happens – we get sick, face unexpected challenges, or simply have days when we’re running on empty. The key is communication. When we can’t show up in the way we’d like, letting others know builds trust rather than breaking it. It demonstrates that our commitment remains even when our circumstances change.

What matters is the pattern we establish over time. Do people experience us as generally reliable? Do we follow through on our commitments more often than not? Do we repair the relationship when we fall short? These are the questions that determine whether we’re contributing to or withdrawing from our community’s trust bank.

Building consistency into your relationships doesn’t require dramatic lifestyle changes. Start small. Perhaps it’s a weekly phone call with a parent, attending the same community event each month, or simply being the person who remembers to ask how someone’s important appointment went. However modest, these rituals of connection weave those individual threads into something stronger.

For communities to thrive, they need members who show up not just when it’s convenient or exciting, but steadily, over time. Every conversation you have with a neighbour, every meeting you attend, every small act of kindness you extend contributes to the fabric of community life. And when conflicts arise (as they inevitably do), that established foundation of trust and consistency makes resolution possible.

An Invitation

Community isn’t built in a day, and it isn’t maintained through occasional grand efforts. It’s cultivated through the accumulation of small, consistent choices to show up, be present, and honour our connections with others (even when there’s friction). Each time we do, we strengthen not only our individual relationships but the entire web that holds us all together.

What is one small way you can show up more consistently in your community? Perhaps your answer might just be a thread that strengthens the whole fabric.