By Wendy Bonnie
GANG involvement, Internet bullying, students hitting teachers, teacher/parent altercations -- there's a lot of conflict in Winnipeg's schools.
But what to do about it? A "no tolerance" policy is one way, using disciplinary measures to come down hard on some students. But that just uses force to try to suppress the problem, and can miss other more serious, or continuous, behavioural issues. Worse yet, it can be applied inconsistently -- overreacting in some situations, and missing others. Suspending students is another option, but that's just a temporary fix -- it works until the next student creates a problem.
There is another option: conflict resolution. It's happening in some Winnipeg schools, and it seems to be working.
Conflict resolution is a way of addressing problems by involving a neutral third party who mediates between the student, parents and school staff. The goal is to create a respectful process that empowers the participants to work together to determine their own outcome, thereby increasing commitment and resulting in a higher percentage of agreements that are lived up to.
Take the case of "Sara" (not her real name). She was chatting on the Internet one weekend with her friend "Jodi." What started out as a friendly chat escalated into a dangerous game of who was tougher and who had stronger gang connections. The discussion followed them to school, where the situation escalated to involve other girls -- some of them were hurt in a series of fights. In response, their school asked Mediation Services, a non-profit organization that promotes peace and restorative justice within the community, to supply mediators to hold meetings with the girls, their parents and school officials.
The process began with the girls, their parents and the principal reflecting on the situation; as it turned out, very few of the girls linked the problems back to the original Internet conversation between Sara and Jodi -- there were a number of other mini-conflicts that contributed to the issue. Then the parents and the principal shared their concerns and their hopes for the girls, and each of the girls shared in a few sentences why they were there and what they hoped would happen in the future. The parents and principal then left the room and the mediators worked with the girls.
With the help of the mediators, the girls were able to re-frame the issue and sort out some of their perceptions and misperceptions. They also had a chance to listen and be heard. Then the mediators led the girls through a plan for the future: what behaviour was acceptable? What behaviour was not? Topics covered included how long a former boyfriend was to be off limits, to staring at each other.
After that, the mediators led them through a number of 'what-if' scenarios, helping them to generate positive options for responding to difficult situations that could occur. They also gave them some communication skills -- positive responses that could be substituted for more familiar and destructive responses. While all of this was going on, the parents had a chance to become acquainted and informally share with each other.
When everyone came back together, the girls shared their plan for the future. The parents and principal had a chance to express their support and everyone was invited to sign a document that detailed what the girls were committed to doing, together with what the parents would do to support the girls. After signing it, everyone received a copy. Today, Sara and Jodi are friends again.
This is just one example, but the dynamics in the story about Sara and Jodi are amazingly similar to many of the other school conflicts. Quite often the ripple effect draws friends, siblings and parents into the conflict, escalating it and the level of violence as more people get involved. Finding and untangling all the threads that caused the dispute -- some of which are often not apparent -- is key to resolving the problem.
In schools where conflict resolution is being used, administrators are enthusiastic. Says Ellen Karlinsky, a guidance counsellor at a Winnipeg middle school: "I think it is critical that counsellors have opportunities to get this training and utilize restorative processes in their work with students." This year, Karlinsky and her vice-principal used conflict resolution to deal with a bullying situation in a classroom; she says that it was very empowering for the victims, and resulted in meaningful behaviour change on the part of the bullies.
"It's truly a thrill to see students participate in a mediation or any type of restorative process," she says. "I think the kids truly benefit from being involved in this process, and begin to integrate this into their worldview. They will see mediation as an option when they have conflict in the future. This experience will hopefully carry over into their adult lives and help create a more peaceful culture."
This sentiment is echoed by Gareth Neufeld, principal of Munroe Junior High School. After mediation was used to resolve a difficult conflict between two students, he says there have been no further incidents. And that, he observed, "is the ultimate indicator" of success.
Mediation isn't a magic cure-all, of course. It requires the commitment of all the parties in order to work, and not every conflict gets mediated. But when it is successful, it does more than just resolve disputes. In addition to resolving conflict, the process also teaches children crucial communication and conflict resolution skills -- the same skills that many adults struggle to learn in mid-life and later. These are life long skills that will help children make better choices throughout their lives.
Wendy Bonnie is community program co-ordinator for Mediation Services in Winnipeg, one of the sponsors of Interaction 2006. The conference -- the largest conflict resolution conference in Canada -- is meeting in Winnipeg this week at the Convention Centre. For more information, go to www.crnetwork.ca
